Atonement

When I first started this blog, I had done so as a way to vent, as a way to get things off my chest. My first post was right after I had lost my job (as stated in the post) and right before I was getting my tonsils out. I was literally losing my mind. I was crippled with fear to get my tonsils removed. I had only heard horror stories of adults getting theirs removed. I lost count of how many times people said, "it's so much harder when you're an adult to get your tonsils removed." Well, I kinda was past the point of getting them removed as a child. I discovered that no one lied about how awful it was. I believe getting my tonsils removed was the most pain I have ever experienced in my life. I've given birth to three children. I've had my gallbladder removed due to repeated gallstones. I've had a kidney stone. I had major jaw surgery, and wrist surgery. Now don't get me wrong, each of those things shared a fair amount of pain. However, the tonsil removal was just beyond that level of describable pain. I was given pain medications, but pain medication only somewhat works if you swallow it and have you ever tried to swallow after a tonsillectomy? Let me tell you, you just want to scream! But you can't because you have no voice. It was like my throat was on fire, but there was no way to put the fire out. It just burned for days upon days. The good news is that it only took about a week to be able to eat again and about three for the pain to be gone. I know, it was quick right? But, I can't complain about the weight loss that occurred from not eating. I wouldn't recommend a tonsillectomy as a weight loss plan, not worth it. But guess what? I went through that horrible thunderstorm of tonsil removal, and without fail, the flowers bloomed. After going though the initial pain, I was amazed at how much better I was sleeping. I hadn't realized how difficult my tonsils were making it. I had obstructive sleep apnea I would have difficulty breathing in my sleep. In fact, it kind of freaked my husband out because he'd lay there wondering when I would start breathing again. The tonsillectomy fixed that. Plus, I haven't had tonsil stones (which was the reason I had them removed in the first place), and I've been feeling much better. Would I go through it again, no way. But luckily, that is one thing that only has to be experience once. Thank goodness for that. So now here I am, about 4 months later deciding to write again. Why? Well it's three o'clock in the morning, and I am wide awake. I woke up to a crying child and then as I was trying to fall asleep my mind was going ninety miles per minute. So I thought if I just sit down and write about what is on my mind I may fall asleep or I may even be more awake and after I post this and try to fall asleep again I may think of more things that I should've said on this blog. The first being that I "should've" spelled out should have, but I'm not going to change it. Computers enable us to fix our mistakes. I am LDS. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, also known as "Mormons". I am a primary teacher and we have been learning about the suffering of Jesus Christ and the Atonement. You know what? That Atonement it like the delete key for our mistakes in life. Because Christ loves us, he suffered for us, and he died for us. He did this because of the immense love He has for us. He suffered and died so that I would get through the physical pain of a tonsillectomy and the emotional pain of a job loss. He died so that I can forgive and I can be forgiven. I acknowledge that I need to find forgiveness in my heart to those who were involved in my job loss. I am not over it by any means. I can honestly say I have not forgiven yet. I need to. It is one of those things that is crippling to my life. I know that Christ didn't go through what He went through so I could hang on to this anger and bitterness. It's not what he wants, it's not what my Father in Heaven wants, and it's not what I want. My goal is to work through it and utilize the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ to find forgiveness. It will be what I am going to work on. I am going to find a way to use that "delete" key to delete the mistake of not forgiving. This isn't the direction I thought I would take when I sat down. But, what a blessing that I was prompted by the spirit. The title of my blog says it all. Christ suffered and died for us, but then he was resurrected. So even though he went through all of this and the World was dark, the flowers still bloomed. The flowers will bloom in my own life. I need to take steps to help those flowers along and pull the weeds that overtake those flowers, and utilizing the Atonement of Jesus Christ will enable me to do that. It can enable each of us to do that.